No News is Good News: Pt 2... I am proved... SO right

As if the gods wanted to send me a message about my idea of no news being good news... or rather... relevant.
So yesterday one of our local newscasters died. Gary Papa, from prostate cancer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be insensative or rude about the death of someone (although I do hate when people take the deaths of local or worldly famous people too hard) I mean, honestly... this guys been the sports guy for the local ABC station my whole life, and having recently lost a family member to cancer... I can understand some of difficulties of the situation. However... this isn't what I'm trying to talk about.
He died at about 2-3 in the afternoon... and the hour and a half news programming starts at five... after Oprah of course... because the people who needs to be "informed" are usually the same people who think Oprah is some kind of demi-god.
They presented no news... it was all dedicated to that mans loss.

They talked about him... interviewed locals about him... the cast and crew of the news shared their stories about him.
It's as if as soon as they realized he died... they took all the "news" they'd worked on all day... decided none of it was relevant... trashed it... and just shot the shit about their friend.
I have no problem that they wanted to respect and appreciate the memory of their friend... but it's as if they WANTED to PROVE to me that... honestly, we DON'T NEED to know any of the "news" they have to present.
I don't think they talked about anything other than him...
Oh... except the weather...
But no local crime, fire, school graduations, swine flu, celebrities... (sort of... Gary) I don't even think they did sports.
Thanks for the proof Gary, rest in peace... sorry you had to leave us.

That's all for today...

No News is Good News

I feel like the news does a piss-poor job of actually informing me of anything...

Seriously? What is on the news... that I need to know about?

Every day at work people buy up all the newspapers, every night at home I have to vacate the living room to avoid the essential two hour news programming.

But it's all shit, what do we NEED to be informed of for 2 hours every day.

They have very little politics, and only a few minutes of weather... other than that it's all shit filler.

A fire across town is not news to me... anyone that gives a shit about that fire, (people in the neighborhood, friends and family of victims) will most likely know about it sooner than the news will inform them. So what do I need to know for? I don't.

Murders? Rapes? Violence? They caught the guy... I don't need to know. Let me know if the guys at large and I need to be scared... but if they caught him I don't care. If he murdered anyone I cared about... again I'll know before the news... I don't give a shit.

I feel like "The News" is more focused on reminding me how vulnerable and mortal I am... I guess that's what it's supposed to be informing me of.

And now the news includes celebrity gossip... not the celebrity gossip news... the REAL news is talking about the celebrity gossip. Honestly, I don't give a shit what famous person just adopted a foriegn baby. That's not news... that's... shit... steamy steaming shit. No one needs to be informed, these people aren't special. Don't publicize their dumb lives...

Really... when will people stop caring about celebrities.. they suck. Be in movies and tv shows, entertain me... that's your job... outside of that I don't give a shit. What other professions are there where people always want to know what you're doing? I don't give a fuck what my mailman does outside of his job... I wouldn't wanna hear about his baby... or know where he eats lunch. I don't give a shit... I just want my mail... and his job is to bring the mail.. .the end.

Oops... I got off topic, but yeah celebrity news is fucking useless.

Oh yeah... the news.
I remember over winter break when I was home I sat through an hour and a half of news discussing just the snow.
Apparently nothing else happened in the city or world that day because it snowed.
So for an hour and a half they just showed different areas of the city covered in snow, interviews with people about how they shoveled snow... and then some goofy on the scene news guy sledding... what the fuck?
You've informed me of nothing... it snowed... I looked outside and figured that out on my own.
I dislike shoveling... public polls don't need to remind me of this fact.

Fucking News...

Palin and Letterman... what a Bitch

Sarah Palin you cunt.

What a bad sport... how can the person who ran for vice president, and who claimed to be any kind of all American be so against a late night talk show host for making a joke against you and your family?

Really? He should be fired... well you should never have been hired.

What would have happened had you made it into office? Would every comedian, tv show and so on be banned after making you the butt of a joke?
That'd be quite the representation of the American politician.
Way to represent the American ideals...

Face it Palin... you are a punch-line... that's all you'll ever be from here on in.

You no good cunt.
Go back to Alaska and and fucking stay there.
Keep your overabundant offspring there as well twatsicle.

The Swine Flu

I just realized I have yet to make a post on the swine flu.

As it's a terrifying pandemic affecting people in my country and area, I must say something.

So I'll keep this brief.

My first day back at the Wawa this summer, I was in the back room sneezing and blowing my nose. One of the women I worked with came back and started to say "hope you don't have the swine flu... it's pretty scary. Actually, one of the Pennsylvania cases was at a school right down the street from my house. It's scary, but yeah... you go to college a lot of people in one little town. So be careful."

And that's why she'll work at wawa for eternity.

That's all

John's Letter to Asher Roth

Dear Asher Roth,

I've recently discovered your song "I Love College," and I'm not sure whether or not I want to sue you for publicizing MY life... or to hire you to write my biography.

Shit man... your song has every detail of my life down: Miller Light, Thirsty Thursdays, Beer Pong, pizza, sex and weed... not to mention the constant chants my friends and I always do such as "Freshman! Freshman! Freshman!" and "Do something crazy!"
Cause we always chant at the freshman... cause they're so differentiated from us upper class-man.
And as for "do something crazy," well nothing noteworthy has ever happened at school without that chant to set it in motion.

You got it all down... I'm not even sure how you managed to get it all into one song.

What you really got down was the philosophy of my life... as well as most of my friend's lives of, "times not wasted when you're getting wasted."
I mean you have a point in "I can't tell you what I learned in school... but I can tell you a story or two."
It's true... I'm not here for education, or bettering myself, or learning any gay shit.
Just drinking and weed all night every night... hangovers every morning. Things I could never achieve without giving thousands of dollars to an educational institute every year... ya know!

I don't wanna keep you too long bro... cause I'm sure you've got other commercial and youth of America exploiting MTV songs and videos to produce.
But just thanks so much...
Especially for not making the title of the song "I love Kutztown" or "John *&%#$ loves college" cause I just would have gotten all this fame and publicity... that I didn't need.
But... that biography offer still stands.

-Your Biggest Fan,
John.

P.S. I hope you die in a fire.

You know why women get paid less and should continue to be paid less?

Eve.

That's why.

Woman ruined everything. We had a huge,peaceful, glorious garden. Everybody was naked all the time and fine with it.Then Eve had to go and get tempted, fall for it and ruin everything.And that's my society is tilted the way it is, because it should be.
Why should a chick get paid the same as me? She ate the fruit. She fell for the snake's bullshit. How do you fall for that! "Oh, you seem to have everything, but not quite. Check out those apples over there, you should go try one. Fuck what God said."
Apples aren't even that good, and I'm sure there weren't any other apple trees in the garden? I'm sure. Right...

But yeah! Typical woman, not satisfied with what she already has. Always needs more.
"Oh there's an apple I can't have. Suddenly I want it so badly even though there's plenty more to eat and enjoy in this garden!"
And this bullshit continues even today.
"Oh why stay at home and cook and clean, raise and spend time with my children and pursue hobbies and interests throughout all of my down time during the day when I could work in an office full time and accuse men of sexual harassment in hopes of getting them fired."

Of course The Garden of Eden is just a myth from the Bible. However I have no doubt that it's a metaphor for actual events.
Maybe, way back when, when people were becoming people, the men would go out hunting and the women would take care of the children and gather up various snacks and treats. But the women weren't satisfied.
They got bored. So what do they do? They made the men pursue other things.
Thus nagging was born...
"Honey, don't go hunting, build me a shelter instead and when you're done that, start farming I'm sick of wandering around looking for food and shit. And after that, go to war with other people I don't want anyone else to be better off than we are."
Sounds like it makes sense...
So:
The temptation of Eve parallels women coming up with the idea to ask for more, that they didn't need.
Then, having Adam bite the apple also lines up with the nagging him to accommodate her demands.
Finally, the apple being eaten creating an awareness of nakedness, good, evil... etc is women demanding more: homes, clothes, jewelry, and eventually war to keep other women from having better homes, clothes or jewelry.

Women should have been happy with what they had.
Being asked to take care of a home, and raise and produce children.
Does it take ALL day to keep up with chores around the house? Honestly, if you're home every day doing chores there can't be that much to do, how dirty could it get?
Shit, if I could stay home all day, while my wife earns a living, that'd be the shit.
I'd keep up with my chores, be able to hang out with my kids all the time. We could play video games, watch movies and take naps all afternoon. Then my wife would come home, too exhausted to spend any time with me or treat me like a person and she would just want me for sex. That'd be great!
Why did women give that up?
How were you dissatisfied with this lifestyle?
Shit, if anything, because women are ultimately responsible for the loss of Paradise, they should be the ones who have to work and support the family.
You owe it to us... the first woman/women fucked everything up.

The only thing men ever did wrong was try to please you.

The Dark Knight didn't get nominated for best picture!

Okay, so I'm not actually worried about it... since I don't give a shit about Academy Awards, and I'm not one of those people who's constantly raving about how Dark Knight is the best movie, past, present, future, ever....
But I do have feelings on the topic.


...Negative Ones...

(otherwise this would not be blog worthy)

First, I don't see why exactly it didn't get nominated I mean, it got 8 other nominations... and every person and their mother saw it this past summer and declared it was the best movie they've ever seen... so why not let it be included in the best movies of the year right?
And it's not as if it was just some superhero action flick... it had a lot of thought and depth put into it (that people claimed to love... to seem even more included in the trend of loving it, but you know for the most part they didn't think about or get it). It had good actors/characters... it was more of a crime thriller than a hero/action movie... and the academy usually loves well done crime thrillers (The Departed, No Country for Old Men...).
However... I do understand other things.

I understand that the Academy is most likely a bunch of pretentious elitist assholes who consider any movie that can be so widely loved by the masses... not worthy of such a noble award.
I also realize the movies not perfect... I NEED more fans of this movie to just fucking agree with me that their throat hurts whenever they hear Christian Bale deliver a line as Batman. That the movie could afford a little bit of a cut down... and that, well as good as Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker was, people should not be lined up around his tomb in an effort to blow his dead body for a job well done.
I'm sorry guy at concert who had a tattoo of the Ledger Joker... but you are a douche bag... and as I've said before... your tattoo, resembles you so well by suggesting that you are a friendless tool.

But lets agree it's a really good movie, they put a lot of thought and effort into it.. and it payed off. Batman fans and non-fans all thoroughly enjoyed it. It deserves credit.

However... that's not my argument for why the movie should be nominated.
I wasn't even trying to argue for it actually... I was just trying to get to this point.

Last year, Juno was nominated for best picture.
Fucking Juno!
this movie is a fucking travesty...
I'm not going to elaborate... I'm just going to copy and paste some quotes from the movie... and I want you to cringe like the actors who had to deliver this garbage most likely did.

Juno: (calls Leah) I'm on suicide watch
Leah: Juno?
Juno: No it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?

Juno: I'm pregnant
Leah: What? honest to blog?

Brief Rainn Wilson cameo that probably got movie another million tickets sold: (talking to Juno about pregnancy test) That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Juno: I think I'm in love with you
Paulie: you mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean for real. Cause you're like the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try, you know...

Vanessa: your parents are probably wondering where you are
Juno:Nah, I mean I'm already pregnant what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?

I can keep going, I could probably just put the whole movie here... and be furious...
Was Diablo Cody thinking she was catching the true essence of teenagers? Of Indie kids? Of any kind of real person?
Part of me thought she may have done it ironically... but I just have this hunch, that it is not at all... that'd be too clever... and this movie's not clever.
Honest to blog is not clever
it is fucking horse shit.
This movie got nominated... somehow, someway... the Academy not only acknowledged it as something worth sitting through... but something worth giving an award to also.
That is why I hate the academy
and that is why The Dark Knight deserves a best picture nomination.