The Praxis II Can Suck My Dick!

Yesterday I had the exciting privilege of taking the 80 dollar Praxis II test required to gain teacher certification in my content area, English.
Needless to say, this obnoxious shit-eating test left me with a bad taste in my mouth. (which I fixed with a bad ass bacon egg and cheese sammich and mound of hash browns from Letterman's Diner... fuckin A!)

This bad taste wasn't due to my fear of failing, maybe I did... I don't know... sometimes I felt like I was on top of the world, others not so much... mostly due to the fact that when I felt I got one wrong, it ended up being a few questions in a row... ugh.

Honestly though, bullshit standardized tests, I usually do pretty well on. Praxis I i got through with flying colors, I even managed to pass the writing section, which I wrote quite informally in. Mainly due to being prompted with such an enraging essay question, "Do you think Americans are materialistic," oh boy, the person who rated that must have had a blast.
I even scored higher on my SAT than my guidance counselor predicted... and he blatantly called me out on it; "Your score doesn't make any sense to me..." That's nice, glad he could have some confidence. Not that I scored particularly well... but after three years of PSAT's predicting I wouldn't get over a 1000, beating that curve by about 200 impressed him.
And then, even all through grade school with all those CAT tests and whatnot, I always managed to get into the above average percentiles.

So hating this test isn't even a matter of me feeling like I failed it, or that I can't take these kinds of tests... because I certainly can. These kinds of tests always tier me into the slightly above average, capable category... which I can agree is a fair assessment of my skill. However, my test taking skills were slightly shaken yesterday when I had 80 dollars and teacher certification on the line... obviously, taking CATs and PSATs... I could have given two shits less.

Anyway, let me get away from bragging about my slightly above average-ness skills concerning test-taking and tell you why I think this test is bullshit.

Firstly, about 60% of this test was solely reading comprehension.
You know, the same fucking questions you've seen on EVERY standardized test... huge chunk of paragraph, followed by 2-4 questions about it.
This is my content area test, why are there so many of these.
A.) These were on my Praxis I
B.) I'm a fucking English major, this is my concentration... can you just assume I have some reading skills... maybe?
But no, you "test" my reading skills by forcing me to answer all of these questions in a completely unrealistic to life situations "test."
When am I going to have to read 40 fragments of stories and essays, and answer 2-4 questions about each within a 2 hour period?
This isn't applicable to my concentration... sure I have to have reading comprehension skills, but I feel like I'm being tested on my test taking ability more than anything.
Which shouldn't be the focus of this test.
It's teacher certification!

Then, I have to deal with the bullshit answers.
Well, they at least upped the the difficulty of the answers, or maybe it just seemed that way because I was a little flustrated.
For example, one excerpt asked the question, "How would you describe the feelings of the character in this piece?"
I got the answers down to A.) Anxious B.) Apprehensive...
Then, wait a second, aren't these words fucking synonyms?
They're unreasonably close... and when you're in a frustrating, not applicable to real life testing situation... you are in no position to differentiate which one is "more right. "

Much fewer of my questions had to do with teaching situations... maybe 10-15 TOPS of the 120 actually applied any teaching knowledge. "What would be the best way to teach this... apply that... etc."
One question asked.
"Your school has supplied you with a text that has a lot of large and difficult words that your students may not be familiar with, what would be the best way to work with this book?"
One of the fucking choices was "get a different book."
That better have been my guaranteed throw away answer! If that's the answer someone should be fired, immediately.

Another type of question that annoyed me was the simple, "here's an excerpt from a book.. choose the name of book and author."
I'd consider myself pretty well read, especially when it comes to things high schoolers are expected to read... but two of these such questions, I was clueless... knew none of the books or authors... ugh.
Of course, both of those questions were associated with all female authors, so maybe that's just saying something about me...

As time came to a close for the test I started to think positively however...
"At least I can do well on the written part," I thought.
Oh wait... there is no written part.
The Fucking Certification test to teach English doesn't even have any fucking written essays!
No application! I'm not required to have a portion of the test which rates whether I have any kind of writing skills, any critical analysis skills, no use of any kind of literary theory, not even basic application of the 5 paragraph essay!
What a fucking joke...

So needless to say, I think a standardized test that decides whether or not I'm "certified" to teach my concentration area is absolute rubbish!
Ironic that, in all my of Education classes we stress how much the education system needs to break away from standardized testing, how acknowledging Bloom's Taxonomy (More than just Knowledge and Comprehension skills are important but Analytical, Synthesis, Application, And Evaluative skills as well) the 9 Intelligences (more than just Logic and Reading skills, but Spatial, Intra-Inter Personal Skills, so on).
How all of these concepts are important, and then the deciding test is a nonsense, useless standardized test which appeals to nothing but basic Knowledge and Comprehension Skills, and The Logic/Reading skill, test taking intelligences.

I went into that test expecting to apply so much more.
To be asked to identify poetic forms, literary conventions, general writing and grammar skills and all of these were much less acknowledged than "reading comprehension."

I call bullshit on Praxis II...
It can suck my dick...
and if I have to take that shit again... oh boy will I be mad.

James Marsden: Hollywood's Rebound

I want to take James Marsden on a date. Actually, I want to take him on a lot of dates. And I want us to develop a comfortable love life and relationship. Eventually even a marriage... and we can have a beautiful life together with; two and a half kids, a golden retriever and a house with a white picket fence.

Not because I'm gay or anything.
Because I'm not and if I were, James Marsden is kind of an obscure guy to want as my man lover.
But, I want to do this for him, because he deserves it. Judging from the 3 X-Men movies, Enchanted, Superman Returns and the Notebook he kind of gets the bad end of the deal in his love-life.

In every one of these movies, he gets the shaft. And I'm not sure what else he's been in (except the movie Sex-Drive... in which his character ends up being gay, so literally does get the shaft) but I imagine he gets dicked over in all of his other movies and real life as well. He's just the Hollywood go to guy to get fucked over in his relationship.

X-Men 1-3 for example. He's Jean Gray's guy, and leader of the X-men. But he comes off as a jerk-off? Why? Because Wolverine is trying to get some of his girl, so he treats him poorly. I don't think that's a dick move... that's fucking normal. If a guy's coming onto your girl, and blowing you off... he's a fucking douche-bag and he deserves no respect from you. But Cyclops Marsden comes off as a dick because of his protectiveness with Jean, and dislike for Wolverine. And ultimately, is fucking KILLED by his girl when she is possessed by some kind of super being. And that Wolverine gets to kiss her and tell her he loves her in the end, he also kills her for being possessed... but still. That sucks man... he has to compete with Wolverine who "loves" her because of one good conversation they have AND he gets killed. Bullshit.

In Enchanted. He is the typical fairy tale prince searching for his bride. He sings, is valiant, goes on a huge journey to find and rescue the princess... he's fucking perfect Prince Marsden, . But what happens? She falls for some regular dude from the real world in the end. When I questioned this I was told that this was a feminist attempt to "break the fairy tale traditions," but that's no excuse. This guy has nothing but good intentions. He jumped into a foreign dimension to fucking rescue her... and he gets the shaft!? No good.

In The Notebook, he is the "other guy." You know, the guy Rachel McAdams has been dating and is ENGAGED too... because her ex-lover disappeared, stalked her for years, and obsessed over her to the point of building her a house. And again, Notebook Marsden gets ditched by his fucking fiance for this other schmuck. I pointed this out to girls who adore this movie for its "romantic qualities" and was told it was because Notebook Marsden is wealthy and materialistic. A) This isn't proven! Just because a guy is wealthy and successful doesn't mean he's materialistic per se. and B) the other guy lures her in by building her a fucking house. That's materialistic, not romantic. If it was romantic they could live in a fucking cardboard box because they loved each other so much.

in Superman Returns, he is dating Lois Lane. No need to elaborate... he's competing with FUCKING SUPERMAN.

Now, as you can see I've presented a clear case of James Marsden being a great man... in need of a great AND loyal woman.
If I'm lucky, a woman out there will read this, and date and marry him for me.
Or maybe, we can find some people who agree, we can start a petition and try to get this man some success.

But... if nothing happens soon.
I will do for this man what needs to be done.

Good Comics vs Bad Comic

Did you ever see a chick comedian who does nothing but make the most cliche woman jokes? Like referring to her period, and how men refuse to stop for directions.
How about black comedians who do nothing but discuss the differences between white and black folks?
Or how about, that guy Josh Blue, who has cerebral palsy and has a tendency to center all of his jokes around just living with that. Which is kind of entertaining, and he also gets the sympathy laugh but that's ALL he talks about.
How about any Blue Collar Comedy Comedians. Who do nothing but come up with one line ("You might be a redneck," "here's your sign" "git'r'dun") and then apply it to any random comment they think up. (I'll exclude Ron White, he just happens to be white trash, he doesn't center all his jokes on it)

These are some shitty obnoxious types of comedians.

And somehow Jeff Dunham manages to encompass all of these, and unmentioned others into his act... and that's why he sucks.

Jeff Dunham has a huge stand-up comedy career that does nothing but disappoint me. He's not funny... and people seem to think because he has puppets, he is.
Here's a hint, he has the dummies because he's not funny.

He picks up his old man puppet, Walter.
Now he makes jokes about being a cranky old man.
Wow... how clever.

He picks up dummy of a hick.
Insert white trash jokes...
He's a genius.

Pimp Dummy, Dead terrorist dummy, jalapeno dummy, and Peanut the monkey
All Racially insensitive.
All focused entirely on stereotype jokes.
NOT FUNNY.

You see, anyone who isn't amused by puppets at a kindergarten level, would realize Jeff Dunham isn't actually funny. At all. But because so many people are such simple saps, and clap their hands and giggle whenever they see puppets... he has taken off.

And that's why I am disappointed in people.
And also why I don't think he's funny.

Hopefully his show will help people realize this, and will get canceled pronto.

Money Concerns

Sometimes I get depressed about the thousands of dollars in debt I am accumulating due to being a student.
This situation seems pretty shitty... people like me who motivate to better ourselves and contribute to society build up thousands of dollars in debt and spend years paying back the government.
Meanwhile other pieces of shit in this country who plan to never better themselves and never contribute to society, basically leech off of the government, essentially get PAID to do nothing via welfare, unemployment, etc.
Not that I'm saying all of those people don't need it, but there are PLENTY of people cheating the system... don't deny it.
Now is it just me or does this seem Back Asswards?
I work hard, to get a good job... so I can pay back my first 3 years salary for the job I got?
Others... don't have jobs and get paid due to their "inability" to make money or live?

Well anyway... I didn't come here to complain about those who leech off of the government. I don't know enough about welfare and unemployment to rant about it. I'm here to rant about college debt... and how I am starting to feel better about it.

Lately I've been feeling like... you know what, so what if I have thousands of dollars in debt before I even start my life. I know I can do it.
And it's not just for the obvious aspect of "how many people like me are in the same boat."
I mean, that's an obvious factor... plenty of my peers are in the same boat.
But... I'm feeling better because I know I'm a lot more CAPABLE than them with money.

Having worked at Wawa for years, I see how much people SUCK at spending money.
I see the same people come in every day and buy multiple cups of coffe, energy drinks, cigarettes, and other shitty food.
That shit adds up!
Those douche bags that "need a kick" in the morning, buy multiple red bulls a day. That's a lot of money. 2 red bulls is 5 bucks. 2 every day. A pack of cigarettes every day at 6 bucks a pop. 3 cups of coffee a day at 1.50. Someone that needs all three of those things is spending 10 bucks a day right there.
That's money I won't be spending. I don't smoke, drink coffee, nor am I a tool to the energy drink trend.
Then of course we can factor in people who drink every day... people who eat out all the time.
People spend a lot of money they could easily save if they had some control and intelligence.
Not to mention, so many Americans are materialistic... people need nice cars, new phones every 6 months, nice clothes...
There goes tons more money on things that aren't ESSENTIAL.
What's wrong with a working used car? A phone that doesn't have this months latest phone upgrade? Not having a polo shirt for every day of the month?

I'll be fine once I get into the real world with all my debt.
Because I'm smarter with my money than most of the pieces of shit out there with the same amount of debt as me.
I'm not the smartest... but I'm certainly smarter than the people I see in Kutztown every day.


But I'm still pissed that the system works in a way the fucks students over... there has to be a better way to do this stuff.

Oh, and a final note.
To those students who go to college just because their parents can easily pay for it, but who don't genuinely give a shit about it.
Fuck you... if you don't wanna be here have your parents pay for someone else to go.

Shitty Quotes: Volume 1

I'm considering starting a second blog focused SOLELY on criticizing people for shitty quotes I overhear.
No matter where I am, I always hear somebody say something they should be embarrassed for... or preferably insulted for.
But... knowing me I wouldn't update that blog every time I hear a shitty quote, so I'll just make a point of including them here whenever I find one I like.

1.) "If you're a guy and you don't like football, you're borderline gay."
Nothing hits the spot more than some good dinner eavesdropping. Hearing this shit is why I'm always keeping an ear out for dipshits around me. Granted, this guy gets SOME forgiveness for using the key word "borderline," but still nothing says "Hey guys I'm really insecure in my sexuality so I like sports," more than this quote. And everyone knows they have a friend who overcompensates for their lack of masculinity or comfort with their sexuality by liking sports. I know I do/did. Any guy that says "He forced himself," to like sports... well that is over the borderline of gay. The only thing you wanted "forced" is another guy's.. nevermind. I just wanted to point out that this quoter is obviously insecure and gay.

2.) Girl - "So are you like... really smart."
Guy - "What do you think? I'm on the football team."
Unfrotunately too many people like this: go to my college, take up space, and throw thousands of dollars away every year. What the fuck? Are these people serious? Is he that happy being a useless piece of shit who's not actually at college to get an education? Well fuck him... thanks for lowering the value of the BA asshole.

3.) "I just feel bad for people who weren't raised reading the Bible..."
I think everyone who reads this shit can assume what I have to say about it. This broad sucks, I wish I would have stopped to fight her.

Oh That Seth MacFarlane.

Oh man, the Cleveland Show is starting tonight...
Another brilliant show created by Seth MacFarlane, how DOES he do it.

Oh I know... he doesn't.

I don't get it. MacFarlane makes Family Guy, Politically Charged Family Guy, and now Black Family Guy and people seem to think that he is the most brilliant animated show creator EVER.
Seriously?
According to some Family Guy is the apex of comedic genius... (in animated television)
Seriously?

UGH!

I like the shows, they are amusing... but people give them so much credit for being something they're not.
They're not clever... they fill the show with pop culture references, which people love, and random physical gags, which are less funny in cartoons, in place of actually coming up with any witty jokes or story lines.

Robot Chicken does something similar... but they don't try to trick you into watching a half hour show with a make-believe plot, they make it 11 minutes and make it completely obvious there is no plot or any cohesion to their episodes at all, also they fill it with many/much more clever, witty jokes... it's all around better. (Usually)

But I'm sick of people mentioning Family Guy moments as being amazingly hilarious.
Peter can only fight the chicken so many times before it gets old. (It has)
And they can only make so many shitty self-references and repeated jokes (greased up deaf guy wasn't funny the first time... why have I seen him again?)
Also, talking animals aren't funny anymore... Brian the Dog at first seemed like a clever character. An amusing spin on Snoopy... very amusing. But then they had the fish on American Dad (who like Brian has a crush on the wife of the family... real unique) and now they have a talking bear on the Cleveland show. Oh the wit.

And Family Guy is in syndication so much!
It's on 5 different channels, and on for probably 5-6 hours a day.
That's nuts!
We're conditioning people to have shitty senses of humor, and almost no attention span. (Not that we're not doing that in dozens of other respects in our culture today)
We make them think that making arbitrary pop culture references, is always funny.
When in fact... it's not!

Think about it like this.
I've watched episodes of Family Guy at the bar, with no sound, because... I'm at a crowded bar.
And it was still fairly amusing...
you know why?
Because you don't need to listen, you don't need to have any idea what's going on... because NOTHING IS GOING ON.
I'll just randomly see Gary Coleman and laugh...
Or see Peter get hit in the nuts...
That's not funny, clever, or witty TV at all.

And if you want to argue with me and say, "Well you laughed when it was on mute... that must mean it's good."
You know what else is good on mute... "America's Funniest Home Videos." (it's actually funnier on mute... removes unnecessary host commentary.)
And you know how much writing and thought goes into that show's clips... NONE.
It's the comedic equivalent of going on youtube and searching "kicked in the nuts," or "punched in the face."
Sure you'll laugh, but that doesn't mean it's witty or clever in any way.

But then again, I realize my thought process would technically make Seth MacFarlane a genius for knowing how to cash in on America's stupidity.
But he's not fucking good at coming up with funny TV shows.
Only his voice is funny... if that is his real voice.

And now I can only top this off with the writers of Family Guy.

Dr Kevorkian came to my school!

Oh man. I need to blog. I have so much on my mind right now!
I'm so mentally stimulated!
So be prepared for a cluster-fuck of thoughts and ideas... and don't hold it against me if it comes off a little angry at parts, because what really sparked this annoyed the shit out of me. Than again... what's a good blog entry without some anger. I don't believe I bother thinking about anything if it doesn't infuriate me in some way.

The infamous Dr. Kavorkian came to Kutztown tonight, and my girlfriend and I attended the lecture.
He discussed civil rights, penal system reform and of course assisted suicide.
He spoke very little of kids in China... which confused me.
(that's a joke)

Anyway, the lecture itself wasn't what really got to me. Some things he discussed I agreed with, others I didn't. But nothing I disagreed with so much to the point I was going to write a letter to him.

But the general theme of disagreement is what ultimately led me to the frustration that has brought me to my blogspot.

Q and A session! Exciting...

This went, poorly... and was quite long... and quite, uncomfortable too.

And who has questions for Kevorkian? None other than people who think he's fucking Satan... my favorite people, religious fanatics.

And one fellow, basically asked him the AMAZING question of...
"Well, if you don't believe in god, or any god, then how do you decide between what is right and wrong?"

Fucking ridiculous! What a question...

And, Kevorkian gave him a response. Which basically said that we decide what's right and wrong by discussing what we think, but sometimes we can't always agree on one thing.
Which made sense to me, but that guy was not satisfied... and insisted on a better answer.

Now I'm not gonna lie, Kevorkian wasn't so hot in the Q and A.
He had trouble hearing all the questions, kept asking people to repeat themselves, and it made him seem a little foolish.
He's also 81 years old, so I don't expect him to be in the prime of his wits.
Also, he seemed kind of dismissive with some questions, but he probably hears the same annoying religious based questions all the time. For decades now probably.
I'm sure every person with religion on their mind imagines they are going to be the one to change the old man's mindset. Right... you didn't even come here to be open-minded and listen to him. You came to be angry and to argue during a Q and A... well you're wasting everyone's time you schmuck.

I really wanted to step up and argue with this guy for the sake of Kevorkian though.
His question, is... so frustrating and maddening!
I can just imagine him, in every moral dilemma of his life... pulling his Bible out and looking for some appropriate quote telling him how to respond and what to think.

First of all!
You need to realize that the fucking Bible was written by actual people. Not God. It's one thing to read the Bible for guidance, hope, and some ethical concerns. It's another thing to think the writers of scripture sent their hard copies to God to be edited and revised before final publication.

Does this guy just imagine that atheists have no morality whatsoever? That anyone who doesn't believe in God is the equivalent of a cave man (which he also probably doesn't believe in) and has no concept of right or wrong.
Unfortunately, he and too many other people probably do think that way.
Considering he asked the question in the first place is more than enough evidence.

Frankly... I imagine God would be much more impressed with an atheist who lives morally and has good values, and does it because he believes it is right, and because it makes life more comfortable for people.
Rather than a god-fearing christian who lives morally and follows the values of the bible because they want the reward of heaven in the end.

That's just what I think though.

Really... this guy, and his question need to learn some shit.
He has clearly never thought for himself.
And I know exactly where he's coming for... 12 years of catholic school and I know for a fact they never teach anyone actual ethics, or skills to discern right from wrong.

What you get in catholic school is memorizing the Ten Commandments. And then you're given a list of sins you shouldn't commit.
Rather than teaching people how to think about situations, and decide for themselves... we we just taught. That's wrong... in all situations.
I'm going to go to hell because I masturbate! And I am committing both adultery against my future wife, as well as abusing my body... that's two commandments in one act.
Well how about... there is nothing morally deficient in my masturbating. My body is programmed to have sexual cravings... and to ignore those is to ignore my humanity.

That's my morality, and you know how I figured it out without the Bible... I fucking thought about it. I decided for myself... it's not a sin or a crime, because I'm not hurting anyone else, and I'm not hurting myself. I'm clearing my mind, I'm relieving sexual feelings...
What an awkward example.

But seriously... back to catholic school.
in 8th grade I was told that suicide was a sin. That if you killed yourself, it was considered murder... and that you'd have been better off being miserable while alive, because now because of your actions you're going to be miserable in hell for eternity.

Later... within my catholic high school I was told that suicide wasn't considered a sin. That the person committing suicide was so desperate and despairing that they weren't in a proper mindset and couldn't be held responsible for their actions.

So I guess... God sent a memo out sometime during that 4 year period to clear that up?

I think not... the PEOPLE in Rome... who come up with the rules, by discussing their ideas and opinions... came up with that shit.
The same way people came up with the whole Bible, the ten commandments, and everything else you fucking believe.

If you honestly can't imagine how people decide between right and wrong without the Bible it is because you are fucking BRAINWASHED.
As Kevorkian said tonight... "You are sheeple (a clever combination of the words sheep and people), slaves to the system"

And if you can't try to think for yourself for a change.
Then you're free to die slowly for months, in unbearable pain and mental anguish... lying in a pool of your own shit and piss as your organs slowly stop working... dying with dignity just the way your god intended.

I still hate Greek Life.

I've discussed my hatred for Greek Life before.
In an entry from over a year ago titled, "Greek Life... a club for people who want to be in a club."
I see it essentially as a program for students who want to be involved... but have no hobbies, interests, skills or personalities.
So instead of joining a club for outdoors, or joining student government... they started these Greek chapters which are nothing more than herds of sheep. Associated for some reason with the Greeks despite having nothing to do with the Greeks. Also they are joined by people who know absolutely nothing about the Greeks but try to trick you by referring to the Greek alphabet.

Anyway...
This entry spawns from annoying sororities on campus... who have charity bake sales and try to make me feel guilty because I refuse to acknowledge or give any money to their cause.
They're just so phony.
If they genuinely cared about the cause... maybe they could all decide to not buy another set of; shirts, sweatpants, hoodies and purses with their letters on them... and they could donate THAT money to charity.
I bet you'd make a lot more money NOT buying 30 some hoodies than you make selling cookies and brownies for a dollar once a month.

But you DON"T give a shit about it.
You only give a shit about your sorority, and your image that only other Greeks care about.
So you have these phony bologna charity bake sales... to try and convince yourselves you're making a difference, and that you matter.

Shit... one of your joining fees alone is probably more than you make with those bake sales.
I know at least one of the sororities is 500 dollars a semester!

Is that like an extra charge offered through the school?

If you're scared you won't make friends... you can pay 500 extra dollars.

I'm already a cheapskate when my friends ask me to cover a beer for them, I wouldn't pay 500 dollars just to be around someone for the semester.

So anyway... fuck you asshole Greek Life douche bags.
If you genuinely gave a shit about any charity, instead of throwing 500 dollars away on "membership," and god knows how much more money away on shirts and so on, which you need to show you're in that group. Well, you could just put that money directly into the charity and save yourself the trouble of baking goods, ordering shirts... and looking like a pathetic asshole every day of your life.

AT'T Can Suck My Dick!

Actually AT&T, I'm going to be very particular about the way you suck my dick.
You don't get the privileged loving version I give my girlfriend when she falls asleep and I'm a little restless.
I want you to suck my dick from behind.
I'll bend over, and you awkwardly bend my dick back and suck it.
That way I am safe to fart and shit all over your face the way you deserve.
I don't even care about the risk of getting shit on my balls, or even farting on them... it'd be worth the risk to offend you in such a way.

So I just bought a new phone 2 weeks ago.
It was 80 bucks with my upgrade (which I get every 2 years, and my phones always last 2 years because I'm super anal about caring for them.)
Then I got a 50 dollar rebate! I'm still waiting on that.
But yeah, essentially 30 bucks for a brand new phone.
I spent an additional 6 dollars on tetris for my phone too! Because I adore tetris!

So this phone lasted about 2 weeks.
See, it's a slide phone... unlike my usual flip phones.
I pull it out of my pocket to get a text and... oh... look at that the screen is white and not working.
It was a pressure crack.
The screen wasn't physically cracked, but because I was careless in... putting it in my pocket and doing things, as careless as you can get with a phone I suppose, but because I was careless, I guess in doing something through my daily activity's I crushed the phone against something and ruined the screen.

I go to AT&T to get help. Imagining, hey... this phone is brand new, this is a shitty thing that happened to it... I don't feel responsible for it being broken, because this isn't some careless mistake like dropping it, or letting it get wet... it should be safe in my pocket.

Well the woman at the store. Immediately lets me know this pressure crack is my fault, there's nothing they will do for me. I can't even do any kind of exchange with the new-ness of the phone.
She lures me over to a counter where someone else will deal with me. And walks away from me, she has no intention of helping me anymore... she's done her part. Told me it was my fault and she had no help for me.

Oh wait, she also told me that this particular pressure crack was NOT a "manufacturer's malfunction," and that's why they didn't do any kind of exchange.
Now... maybe I'm the only person thinking like this because I'm pissed because I no longer have a working phone... but that seems like a manufacturing malfunction.
The Whole front of the phone is the screen... so why wouldn't they make it to withstand pressure?
I mean it was in my pocket... and it's not as if I was lifting weights, I was going about usual day activities. I think actually, when "I caused" the pressure crack I was bending over to pick something up... oh what a strain on that phone!
I don't know AT&T, I think when you make something that's meant to be carried around all day, in someone's pocket or backpack or purse... you make sure it can withstand typical daily strain. If not, I'm gonna say it's a manufacturer's malfunction.
What you made me, is a piece of shit.

Moving on.
This woman pawns me off on another woman who is just as unhelpful.
She assures me that, well firstly I can buy a new phone.
Oh wow, what an option... I never even imagined that'd be in the realm of possibility.
I can even buy this phone I already have... for only 200 dollars with another 50 dollar rebate!
Wow, I really want to re-buy this phone for 200 bucks, essentially 150 bucks in 3 months, so I can have it for another 2 weeks.
No... that option sucks.

Then she assures me, if I intended to not care for the phone I should have gotten the insurance on it.
Sorry, my fault I was so cocky in believing I could take care of a phone... I've had 2 phones in the last 4 years. Sure I should be aware that accidents do happen, but... I'm proud too.
Although, I am a dumbass because insurance was only 10 bucks compared to whatever a new phone would cost. I'm a cheapskate... I'll admit it.

She also lets me know maybe I should have considered buying a case.
Yes, because a case... with a thin transparent nothing piece of plastic over my phone's screen would have protected it from the pressure it suffered in my pocket.
I think phone cases come in handy much more for drops, and safe storage... it's still going to feel pressure when pressure is put on it stupid.
Can you also explain to me how cases work for a slide phone?
It seems overly complicated... maybe they should just make phones better quality instead of making everyone buy a case.
I dunno... just a suggestion.

Whatever.
You people were dismissive and completely unhelpful to me.
I was patient and civil with you guys, despite how angry I was with my piece of shit phone and your piece of shit service.
But who am I to complain. I'm NOT a good customer, I've had an AT&T plan for 4 years and have only bought two phones from you. I have unlimited texting plan, and never go over my minutes... I'm probably your worst customer.
You value customers like my sister. People who go through 4-5 phones a year. Who constantly go over minutes... and, using my sister as an example run up $600 dollars in one bill with texts alone.
I'm a shitty customer, because I don't pump tons and tons of money into you yearly.

Fuck me.

But really AT&T... and cell phone companies in general.
You're fucking scammers. You're rapists!
You charge hundreds of dollars for shoddy pieces of shit... then have the nerve to tell me I'm at fault.
You make phones that aren't intended to last the amount of time it takes to get an upgrade.
Ask your friends... I imagine maybe 1 in 5 people actually keep a phone long enough to upgrade it.

I'm mad.
I hate AT&T
Go fuck yourself
The end.

What Are You?

My first week back on campus.
What am I going to rant about and rip apart?
Could be my kinda dumpy house maybe? It costs way too much, that's all I have to say for it.
Freshman, I do hate them.
First Thirsty Thursday? Nothing I'd like to rip more than a girl in my pro sem classes, who will be teaching a class of high school students next semester rambling about drinking like a 16 year old boy who just had his first beer.
Honestly, I could talk about anything... but the random thing that got to me this week... of all things... was lesbians.

Don't get me wrong, I could give two shits less whether people or gay or straight. And even if I was going to complain about homosexuals, like everyone else I would go after gay guys not gay girls. After all there's nothing more beautiful than two women in love (at least physically).
But I question a lot of these lesbian couples.
In a lot of these couples, there's always the one girl I have to look over twice... to try to figure out what gender she actually is.
And that girl is fine... you're a lesbian... you like girls, being kind of a tomboy... or feeling kind of masculine I can understand.
It's that regular looking girl I question.

Is she legitimately a lesbian?
I don't think so... I think if you're a lesbian you like girls.
So why would you go for a girl with masculine qualities?
I feel like you're secretly betraying yourself, and your girlfriend.
I think you're bisexual.
You can't like girls and then go find a girl that could pass for a guy.

Not that I understand the psychology of homosexuality, and especially not of the fairer genders homosexuality.
But I'm sorry lesbian with guy looking girlfriend, you're just bi.
You want the best of both worlds... the looks and size and strength of a man, and the hole of a woman.

That's all I had to say... just had that thought. Thanks.

Fleshing out my opinions of religion.

A Justin, I think I know him but I'm not 100% it's him, called me out in my "your beliefs can be shattered by dots," post from last week. So now I feel it would be appropriate to respond to him and elaborate on my ideas concerning religion.

Considering Justin said to me that, "How is it crazy to feel strongly about something? Have you never seen something a certain way and stood stead-fastly next to your decision?" I feel as if he got the impression that I am against having faith and beliefs in general. Which I'm certainly not.

I have nothing against religion for what it is, nor for people who follow and believe in it. I'm not religious myself, but as a person who believes there should be a consistent code of ethics and morals for people to follow, I honor/respect where religious traditions and beliefs come from. People need to be kept in line, they're too dumb to be on their own... and religion plays an excellent Shepard to the human sheep of the world (Along with politics, educational systems and TV.)

I draw the line though, with self-righteous... hardcore, in your face asshole Christians, or generally... people of any religion who are just, overbearing in their beliefs. (I feel suicide-bombers for example... are quite over-the-top for their religious ideals.)
Believe what you want, but as soon as you start telling someone else to believe what you believe, and try to convince them the way they live their life is wrong... (or blow them up) well you're just an asshole.
It's one thing if you're telling this to a group of death-row inmates... I'm sure they'll appreciate the last minute pep-talk.
But walking around college campuses, hanging around outside huge music festivals, busy street corners... face it, you're not wanted, you're just being an arrogant faggot, and fucking nobody wants to hear it. (At least talk to homeless people maybe, they could probably use the extra hope in their life.)

And this is the point I was trying to make with my grammar argument.
People act as if what they believe or that their book is the ultimate truth... and it's just arrogant drivel.
You're honestly going to get in people faces, and tell them they are going to hell because the book you read has a couple questionable passages, which can be interpreted into... who knows how many different ways. A book which I pointed out, has been through whatever number of translations, languages, editions... over the past 2000+ years. A book, I realized can be completely lost in translation moving commas and semicolons alone!

That's my problem with religion.
Because, it just doesn't make sense to me.
Let me give you an example. Say I read a book, come up with an interpretation... and start telling people, that's the only way it can be interpreted. The original author of the book is dead, as are any of his close friends that could confirm his goals and ideas behind creating that book. I constantly argue and debate, and by argue and debate I mean tell people their opinions are wrong, mine is right... and, what the hey tell them they're going to hell for their opinions.
If I acted like that, I'd be an asshole... why should it be any different if it's a Bible or any other religious book or document?

And that's it Justin, aside from your over-analytical concern for my use of the phrase "forcing it on you," as if these religious freaks would follow me around and make sure I'm being a Christian, which is... a kind of out there reading of it...

But Simply put...
I don't hate religion.
I hate religious fanatical cunts.

Your beliefs can be shattered by Dots!

So I'm reading this grammar book... because, I like to make efforts to improve myself.
Anyway, I'm reading this stickler guide to grammar, which is weird since (if you're reading this you know) I'm not uptight about grammar at all. But, when it comes to writing and editing schoolwork I make a genuine effort.

So, the author in discussing commas and semicolons and takes an excerpt from the Bible. She changes the grammar alone and one can get a completely different interpretation of the excerpt.
I'm not gonna post the example, because... fuck that, this isn't a a research paper. Just take my word for it, I didn't pull this shit out of my ass.

But yeah, that's nuts... that people commit so much to something that can be disputed so easily.

I mean, I've argued about those hardcore nazi Christians that come to my school before, and how I think it's moronic that they're so adamant about a book that's existed for 2000+ years... been through, god knows (pun intended) how many different languages, translations, and interpretations... and can still stick so strongly to the word... like Jesus wrote it down and handed it to them himself.

Like it's outrageous to me... to feel so strongly (and try to force that on others) about a book that... you don't honestly know the history of.
I doubt they studied Latin and fucking dug up the Dead Sea Scrolls to do their research.
They picked up a fucking, mass produced, thoroughly edited... special edition of the Bible from some Christian book store... groan. And now they're telling other people how to live their life, according to this book they just paid 26.50 for from Penguin Publishers.

But I never thought of this argument on such a level of grammar alone...
Imagine that.
Your beliefs can be shattered on the re-placement of commas and semicolons alone.
Fucking... fancy dots can dispute everything you believe.

What assholes.

I'd hire Mike Vick as my dog-sitter.

I don't give a shit about sports; but I certainly like criticizing its fans and their worthless opinions.
So per usual, if you know me I live in Philly, this week the Eagles picked up Mike Vick the dog-killer and tons of people are up in arms.

I'm not going to go off on a huge rant as I usually tend to do. I've got something different planned for today.

Jobs Mike Vick was not hired to do in Philly:
Dog-sit
Pet store manager
kennel director
PSPCA employee
baby-sitter
kindergarten teacher
nurse at hospital or home for elderly
dog-catcher
animal control
Phila. zoo job

you're starting to get the point I'm sure.

Job Mike vick was hired to do:

Be a big athlete in a sport filled with big scary men who tackle and dominate one another in an attempt to move a ball up and down a field for points.
A sport attended and watched by thousands of people every week. Primarily people who get drunk while watching... then proceed to drive drunk, pee in public, and physically fight with one another over which team is the best.

Meh... I'm done for now.

Harry Twatter and the full blood prick

Really... fucking really?
So, my coworker and I mentioned an intent see the new Harry Potter movie during work the other day.
And... well, a passing coworker overheard and shot down our Harry Potter dreams by asking us not to talk about it, because it's against her religion.
Now, I didn't defend my case... because, I would have gotten fired because I couldn't just tell her she was wrong, I'd have to insult her intelligence, faith... etc... and work just isn't the place to do that.

But really... really... really? Are you fucking kidding me.
A.) Your religion has nothing to do with us, so let us fucking talk about it.
B.) It's not actually your opinion, because I know had I argued with you... you would have had no argument or any good points to make.
C.) It's not against your religion, and your faith is filled with assholes.

Are people seriously still making these arguments?
I thought the 7th book of the series would have put all the haters in their place.
Since the series ends stressing sacrifice, friendship, love... things I've noticed Christianity generally encourages.
But no, solely focused on magic... god forbid we try to nurture any kind of imagination in our children, Tv and internet do more than enough for them right?
No. I'm wrong, obviously, kids see this magic, and relize they'll never believe in god, will pursue their own magical talents and magical school... and so on.
Frankly I think you're all a bunch of fucking tards (A statement that probably would have been completely unacceptable in the workplace.)

I guess you'll just read the bible to your kid and tell them how the human race spawned from 2 humans, who then spread into ever greater numbers by inbreeding the shit out of one another for a few generations.
Much better fiction for kids right...

Anyway, Harry Potter isn't opposed to Christianity.
If you think this it's because you're stupid. You're brain washed by your beliefs.
And when you're brain washed you don't get a real opinion.

Oh and one final note.
I'm constantly noticing dumb asshole hypocrites who argue for religious concerns, but then conveniently... go against their religious ideals in some other way.
For example, my coworker stresses that Harry Potter is against her religion. But she has a kid and she's never been married. Doesn't your religious say anything about pre-marital sex... I went to catholic school about 12 years, I think I remember something about that.
And then there's every dumb broad I know who insists that Abortion is murder life is sacred, but I've caught a few of them using either birth control or the morning-after pill... so you get two strikes for pre-marital sex and finding alternative forms of destruction of life...
Cunts.

Opinions.

I haven't said much lately.
But that's because nothing has made me mad enough... I've been spending my angry time just antagonizing people on facebook.
People love to argue when I insult what they like, as if my opinion has any real value to anyone other than myself.
As if, because I think a: show, movie, band, sports team... sucks, or they suck for liking it they are legitimately losing value.
Fuckin dipshits.

It's funny, as someone who blogs and shares their opinion... I don't give a shit about ANYBODY else's opinion. I think, there are maybe 5 or 6 people I listen to, and that's only concerning select topics among them.
Anyway... so say I mention I like something and someone puts it down, that's the end of the conversation.
Am I going to argue?
No, there's no point... I like it, they don't... it's something we don't have in common end of conversation.
For example.
I still like the comedian Dane Cook. A lot of other people don't like him anymore... because he was popular. (So fuck people who suggest I rip things cause they're popular... I rip things cause I hate em, and it just so happens I hate a lot of shit.)
Anyway, so I'll throw in a Dane Cook joke... and listen to like a 5 minute rant.

"Oh man, he's so overrated, he's not funny at all... blaaaahdy blaaahdy blah."
First of all... most of the time these people are lying. I can recall 3 people off the top of my head who have given me this speech... and I know they like him, I've heard them quote him... so they're fucking, trendy faggots.
Secondly of all... where does the conversation go from there....
"Oh... I do."
The end?
Shut up.

I plan to go see a movie, I mention it to somebody and I have to hear somebody... "Oh you wanna see that, I think it looks awful."
Oh... I had better cancel my plans then...
Thanks for looking out bro.

No.
You're wrong.
I might be a hypocrite, I share my opinions on here, but... don't give a shit about others. Fuck them.
But I came up with a mentality that saves me from being a hypocrite.

A.) If you're reading this... you do think my opinion has some validity, or at least entertainment value... so it's the same as asking me "John, share your opinions and brilliance with me"
and
B.) I at least entertain with my opinions... other people are boring and stupid when they share theirs. So I have that going for me.

No News is Good News: Pt 2... I am proved... SO right

As if the gods wanted to send me a message about my idea of no news being good news... or rather... relevant.
So yesterday one of our local newscasters died. Gary Papa, from prostate cancer.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to be insensative or rude about the death of someone (although I do hate when people take the deaths of local or worldly famous people too hard) I mean, honestly... this guys been the sports guy for the local ABC station my whole life, and having recently lost a family member to cancer... I can understand some of difficulties of the situation. However... this isn't what I'm trying to talk about.
He died at about 2-3 in the afternoon... and the hour and a half news programming starts at five... after Oprah of course... because the people who needs to be "informed" are usually the same people who think Oprah is some kind of demi-god.
They presented no news... it was all dedicated to that mans loss.

They talked about him... interviewed locals about him... the cast and crew of the news shared their stories about him.
It's as if as soon as they realized he died... they took all the "news" they'd worked on all day... decided none of it was relevant... trashed it... and just shot the shit about their friend.
I have no problem that they wanted to respect and appreciate the memory of their friend... but it's as if they WANTED to PROVE to me that... honestly, we DON'T NEED to know any of the "news" they have to present.
I don't think they talked about anything other than him...
Oh... except the weather...
But no local crime, fire, school graduations, swine flu, celebrities... (sort of... Gary) I don't even think they did sports.
Thanks for the proof Gary, rest in peace... sorry you had to leave us.

That's all for today...

No News is Good News

I feel like the news does a piss-poor job of actually informing me of anything...

Seriously? What is on the news... that I need to know about?

Every day at work people buy up all the newspapers, every night at home I have to vacate the living room to avoid the essential two hour news programming.

But it's all shit, what do we NEED to be informed of for 2 hours every day.

They have very little politics, and only a few minutes of weather... other than that it's all shit filler.

A fire across town is not news to me... anyone that gives a shit about that fire, (people in the neighborhood, friends and family of victims) will most likely know about it sooner than the news will inform them. So what do I need to know for? I don't.

Murders? Rapes? Violence? They caught the guy... I don't need to know. Let me know if the guys at large and I need to be scared... but if they caught him I don't care. If he murdered anyone I cared about... again I'll know before the news... I don't give a shit.

I feel like "The News" is more focused on reminding me how vulnerable and mortal I am... I guess that's what it's supposed to be informing me of.

And now the news includes celebrity gossip... not the celebrity gossip news... the REAL news is talking about the celebrity gossip. Honestly, I don't give a shit what famous person just adopted a foriegn baby. That's not news... that's... shit... steamy steaming shit. No one needs to be informed, these people aren't special. Don't publicize their dumb lives...

Really... when will people stop caring about celebrities.. they suck. Be in movies and tv shows, entertain me... that's your job... outside of that I don't give a shit. What other professions are there where people always want to know what you're doing? I don't give a fuck what my mailman does outside of his job... I wouldn't wanna hear about his baby... or know where he eats lunch. I don't give a shit... I just want my mail... and his job is to bring the mail.. .the end.

Oops... I got off topic, but yeah celebrity news is fucking useless.

Oh yeah... the news.
I remember over winter break when I was home I sat through an hour and a half of news discussing just the snow.
Apparently nothing else happened in the city or world that day because it snowed.
So for an hour and a half they just showed different areas of the city covered in snow, interviews with people about how they shoveled snow... and then some goofy on the scene news guy sledding... what the fuck?
You've informed me of nothing... it snowed... I looked outside and figured that out on my own.
I dislike shoveling... public polls don't need to remind me of this fact.

Fucking News...

Palin and Letterman... what a Bitch

Sarah Palin you cunt.

What a bad sport... how can the person who ran for vice president, and who claimed to be any kind of all American be so against a late night talk show host for making a joke against you and your family?

Really? He should be fired... well you should never have been hired.

What would have happened had you made it into office? Would every comedian, tv show and so on be banned after making you the butt of a joke?
That'd be quite the representation of the American politician.
Way to represent the American ideals...

Face it Palin... you are a punch-line... that's all you'll ever be from here on in.

You no good cunt.
Go back to Alaska and and fucking stay there.
Keep your overabundant offspring there as well twatsicle.

The Swine Flu

I just realized I have yet to make a post on the swine flu.

As it's a terrifying pandemic affecting people in my country and area, I must say something.

So I'll keep this brief.

My first day back at the Wawa this summer, I was in the back room sneezing and blowing my nose. One of the women I worked with came back and started to say "hope you don't have the swine flu... it's pretty scary. Actually, one of the Pennsylvania cases was at a school right down the street from my house. It's scary, but yeah... you go to college a lot of people in one little town. So be careful."

And that's why she'll work at wawa for eternity.

That's all

John's Letter to Asher Roth

Dear Asher Roth,

I've recently discovered your song "I Love College," and I'm not sure whether or not I want to sue you for publicizing MY life... or to hire you to write my biography.

Shit man... your song has every detail of my life down: Miller Light, Thirsty Thursdays, Beer Pong, pizza, sex and weed... not to mention the constant chants my friends and I always do such as "Freshman! Freshman! Freshman!" and "Do something crazy!"
Cause we always chant at the freshman... cause they're so differentiated from us upper class-man.
And as for "do something crazy," well nothing noteworthy has ever happened at school without that chant to set it in motion.

You got it all down... I'm not even sure how you managed to get it all into one song.

What you really got down was the philosophy of my life... as well as most of my friend's lives of, "times not wasted when you're getting wasted."
I mean you have a point in "I can't tell you what I learned in school... but I can tell you a story or two."
It's true... I'm not here for education, or bettering myself, or learning any gay shit.
Just drinking and weed all night every night... hangovers every morning. Things I could never achieve without giving thousands of dollars to an educational institute every year... ya know!

I don't wanna keep you too long bro... cause I'm sure you've got other commercial and youth of America exploiting MTV songs and videos to produce.
But just thanks so much...
Especially for not making the title of the song "I love Kutztown" or "John *&%#$ loves college" cause I just would have gotten all this fame and publicity... that I didn't need.
But... that biography offer still stands.

-Your Biggest Fan,
John.

P.S. I hope you die in a fire.

You know why women get paid less and should continue to be paid less?

Eve.

That's why.

Woman ruined everything. We had a huge,peaceful, glorious garden. Everybody was naked all the time and fine with it.Then Eve had to go and get tempted, fall for it and ruin everything.And that's my society is tilted the way it is, because it should be.
Why should a chick get paid the same as me? She ate the fruit. She fell for the snake's bullshit. How do you fall for that! "Oh, you seem to have everything, but not quite. Check out those apples over there, you should go try one. Fuck what God said."
Apples aren't even that good, and I'm sure there weren't any other apple trees in the garden? I'm sure. Right...

But yeah! Typical woman, not satisfied with what she already has. Always needs more.
"Oh there's an apple I can't have. Suddenly I want it so badly even though there's plenty more to eat and enjoy in this garden!"
And this bullshit continues even today.
"Oh why stay at home and cook and clean, raise and spend time with my children and pursue hobbies and interests throughout all of my down time during the day when I could work in an office full time and accuse men of sexual harassment in hopes of getting them fired."

Of course The Garden of Eden is just a myth from the Bible. However I have no doubt that it's a metaphor for actual events.
Maybe, way back when, when people were becoming people, the men would go out hunting and the women would take care of the children and gather up various snacks and treats. But the women weren't satisfied.
They got bored. So what do they do? They made the men pursue other things.
Thus nagging was born...
"Honey, don't go hunting, build me a shelter instead and when you're done that, start farming I'm sick of wandering around looking for food and shit. And after that, go to war with other people I don't want anyone else to be better off than we are."
Sounds like it makes sense...
So:
The temptation of Eve parallels women coming up with the idea to ask for more, that they didn't need.
Then, having Adam bite the apple also lines up with the nagging him to accommodate her demands.
Finally, the apple being eaten creating an awareness of nakedness, good, evil... etc is women demanding more: homes, clothes, jewelry, and eventually war to keep other women from having better homes, clothes or jewelry.

Women should have been happy with what they had.
Being asked to take care of a home, and raise and produce children.
Does it take ALL day to keep up with chores around the house? Honestly, if you're home every day doing chores there can't be that much to do, how dirty could it get?
Shit, if I could stay home all day, while my wife earns a living, that'd be the shit.
I'd keep up with my chores, be able to hang out with my kids all the time. We could play video games, watch movies and take naps all afternoon. Then my wife would come home, too exhausted to spend any time with me or treat me like a person and she would just want me for sex. That'd be great!
Why did women give that up?
How were you dissatisfied with this lifestyle?
Shit, if anything, because women are ultimately responsible for the loss of Paradise, they should be the ones who have to work and support the family.
You owe it to us... the first woman/women fucked everything up.

The only thing men ever did wrong was try to please you.

The Dark Knight didn't get nominated for best picture!

Okay, so I'm not actually worried about it... since I don't give a shit about Academy Awards, and I'm not one of those people who's constantly raving about how Dark Knight is the best movie, past, present, future, ever....
But I do have feelings on the topic.


...Negative Ones...

(otherwise this would not be blog worthy)

First, I don't see why exactly it didn't get nominated I mean, it got 8 other nominations... and every person and their mother saw it this past summer and declared it was the best movie they've ever seen... so why not let it be included in the best movies of the year right?
And it's not as if it was just some superhero action flick... it had a lot of thought and depth put into it (that people claimed to love... to seem even more included in the trend of loving it, but you know for the most part they didn't think about or get it). It had good actors/characters... it was more of a crime thriller than a hero/action movie... and the academy usually loves well done crime thrillers (The Departed, No Country for Old Men...).
However... I do understand other things.

I understand that the Academy is most likely a bunch of pretentious elitist assholes who consider any movie that can be so widely loved by the masses... not worthy of such a noble award.
I also realize the movies not perfect... I NEED more fans of this movie to just fucking agree with me that their throat hurts whenever they hear Christian Bale deliver a line as Batman. That the movie could afford a little bit of a cut down... and that, well as good as Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker was, people should not be lined up around his tomb in an effort to blow his dead body for a job well done.
I'm sorry guy at concert who had a tattoo of the Ledger Joker... but you are a douche bag... and as I've said before... your tattoo, resembles you so well by suggesting that you are a friendless tool.

But lets agree it's a really good movie, they put a lot of thought and effort into it.. and it payed off. Batman fans and non-fans all thoroughly enjoyed it. It deserves credit.

However... that's not my argument for why the movie should be nominated.
I wasn't even trying to argue for it actually... I was just trying to get to this point.

Last year, Juno was nominated for best picture.
Fucking Juno!
this movie is a fucking travesty...
I'm not going to elaborate... I'm just going to copy and paste some quotes from the movie... and I want you to cringe like the actors who had to deliver this garbage most likely did.

Juno: (calls Leah) I'm on suicide watch
Leah: Juno?
Juno: No it's Morgan Freeman. Do you have any bones that need collecting?

Juno: I'm pregnant
Leah: What? honest to blog?

Brief Rainn Wilson cameo that probably got movie another million tickets sold: (talking to Juno about pregnancy test) That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet.

Juno: I think I'm in love with you
Paulie: you mean as friends?
Juno: No, I mean for real. Cause you're like the coolest person I've ever met and you don't even have to try, you know...

Vanessa: your parents are probably wondering where you are
Juno:Nah, I mean I'm already pregnant what other kind of shenanigans can I get into?

I can keep going, I could probably just put the whole movie here... and be furious...
Was Diablo Cody thinking she was catching the true essence of teenagers? Of Indie kids? Of any kind of real person?
Part of me thought she may have done it ironically... but I just have this hunch, that it is not at all... that'd be too clever... and this movie's not clever.
Honest to blog is not clever
it is fucking horse shit.
This movie got nominated... somehow, someway... the Academy not only acknowledged it as something worth sitting through... but something worth giving an award to also.
That is why I hate the academy
and that is why The Dark Knight deserves a best picture nomination.

I's Gots a lotta things tuh say bout dis

So I'm currently taking Adolescent Literature, so for every class I'm basically reading... (or claiming to have read in some cases,) books that as a high school teacher I will be teaching - Catcher in the Rye, Great Gatsby, Chocolate War... etc.
So today we were reading Huck Finn, and during our conversation about it... we gradually got into the debate about how it's censored and excluded from curriculum for its... about 200x's use of the word nigger.
This really annoyed me... actually most debates about word censoring annoy me.
If you don't like the word, if it makes you uncomfortable... or makes you flinch, don't read the book... That's a starter, not happy with it... put it down, I'm sure Mark Twain can afford the loss.
But really, I have so many feelings on this topic... I can't organize them properly so excuse me if I go on a rant.
It's funny how a great piece of literature, which causes a person to think, and which a student can get so much out of is put on trial for the use of a word.
But you turn on a radio station, buy a rap CD and you'll hear the word thrown around meaninglessly... oh parson me, they change the ER to an A in the end and it doesn't imply the EXACT same word AT ALL.
Seriously people...
That's one strike against it.
It's either okay in all forms, or none at all... don't be hypocrites and say one's fine and another isn't.
So what, Mark Twain is white and Rappers who use it aren't, guess what... he used it in an intellectual, historical fashion... depicting the past, using the language they used, and they use it in a gangsta streetz fashion... which side would you rather take?
Then of course we can take it further and say, well... what else offends people.
You can't just let the argument stand for one person or group, you have to allow fairness to any and all persons/groups that find something offensive in literature.
So people get offended by any word, idea, concept... something completely outside the text that they somehow associate with it and get upset about.... they now have reason to ban that from curriculum as well.
It'd be complete nonsense, before you know it... every piece of literature would be off the market for containing some form of - racism, sexism, intolerance... something like abortion in a book would get it taken off.
If we took books off the market for offending people, every piece of gay literature would be taken out of the classrooms for making homophobic students/ or students with homophobic parents uncomfortable.
It's just not justified.
You can't completely ignore that a work has so much depth, and so much can be gained from it just because you disagree with an idea... or word in it.
It's straight up ignorant...

AND I'm not trying to get into the N word debate, I think it's so stupid... a word can only have as much power as you give it... and we can continue to ruin the career of any white man who stumbles and lets loose the horrible slur in any kind of public forum, while rappers throw it into their songs as filler and get more money... whatever, I don't wanna get into it.

But to deny people such a rich piece of literature, because it uses the word in a completely sensible and meaningful way is plain stupid.
If you're a parent who's fighting to get it taken out of classrooms... you're stupid
you're probably not even smart enough to raise a child.
Whatever, cry about a word... but feel free to completely miss the purpose of the story... the history of the word, and anything else one would gain from sitting down and reading a book.

But Seriously, this isn't funny...

Something has really been bothering me as of late.
Family issues... and I know, this is not really the kind of place I need to vent about my family, and make public all the shit that's going on with people I share a name and blood with.
But you know what, the people I'm about to rip apart... aren't close family members of mine, are dumb enough to have brought it upon themselves, and when criticized openly help me to put down an entire group of other idiotic people and the shitty life-styles they follow.

So... my cousins, who have children... think drugs are awesome.
You know, like... crack and heroin... those cool drugs... that are really healthy for you, and help form good habits.
Anyway, I'm pretty disgusted, because hey...
First of all... who's dumb enough to even get into the scene. Hardcore drug use annoys the shit out of me... I mean, even cigarettes and pot annoy me so you can imagine how stupid I think the hard drug users are.
I mean... how do you even get into it... pot I can understand, whatever, as long as you're not the kind of person who's high 24/7 I can kind of see where you're coming from, but who's getting suckered into crack or heroin... I can imagine that drug dealer trying to get you to try it
Drug Dealer -"Hey, I know you like to smoke weed... so you'll love crack..."
My Cousin -" I dunno drug dealer, I hear it's really addicting and ruins lives...."
Drug Dealer - "No no no, that only happens to the suckers, and you don't seem like a sucker. Here... just try it once, if you don't like it don't buy it again..."
My Cousin - "Alright, I guess I'll give it a chance once... cause I'm not a sucker" ::gets addicted to crack, ruins her 2 daughters lives and gives birth to a 3rd crack addicted child!::

Yay!!! good people...
So yeah, I feel like to even get suckered into hard drug use you need to be a fucking idiot.

Then there's the complete lack of consideration for the children you're raising.
Man... MAN I can't even begin to elaborate on how much I hate shitty parents...
Let me just say this... I'm adopted.
I was adopted as a baby, and my parents had to go through so much to adopt me, background checks, various meetings with adoption counselors, having people randomly drop in on them to make sure they kept a good home and weren't drunks or druggies.
And this is what they do to people who WANT children, people who go out of their way to try and have a child put into their care... rather than random women/couples who just get knocked up and are like "oh shit a kid, looks like we're stuck with it..."
So apparently anyone who just shits out a kid is entitled to it no matter how shitty of a person they are.
Like my cousin who shows up at the hospital clearly high, gives birth to a crack addicted baby and leaves with her baby to take it back to her dumpy living arrangement.
While her other 2 kids are getting abandoned at school on a daily basis cause mom forgets to pick them up, and it's completely obvious these kids aren't being properly cared for but Child Services has yet to be notified... she gave birth to these kids, she deserves them.
What a great world.

Fucking bullshit, drug addicted un-nourishing bullshit parents who's kids will either die or keep reproducing and facing the same difficulties in life in an endless cycles of; drug addiction, family dysfunction, going nowhere in life bullshit.

I think, we should develop a system of tests that people giving birth go through.
Shit, put anyone who's going to have a child through the same shit my parents went through.
Then when they finally have the kid, keep bothering them, check in on them... keep tabs on the parents, make sure they're working... not getting involved in drugs/alcoholism... seriously.
The reason people are so fucked up is because they're raised by people so fucked up.
And then... if you fail to be a good parent... your kid gets taken away.. and either put up for adoption or put into a new government: start-em-young military program.

Cause they'd be better of being trained into soldiers at age 5, then in the hands of the shitty people who'd be "raising" them otherwise.

Girls Still Don't Like Sports

So the Eagles are in the playoffs this year... and after the Phillies winning this past World Series... hype is up.
But I just have something to point out...

No it's not that everyone is jumping the band wagon again. Or that everyone who complained how terrible they were all season are now claiming they believed in them the whole time.

It's all these chicks in Eagles jerseys I noticed, and despite a huge blog I wrote about it 2 years ago, and re-edited and posted a few months ago... again I need to stress.
STOP LYING GIRLS.... YOU DON'T LIKE SPORTS.

You don't... quit bullshitting us.
Guys don't pretend to like makeup and shoes to impress you.
And if they did pretend to like something to get close to you, you'd get mad at them and hate them until you realized after some crazy plot twist that they did it cause they like you so much... but we don't do that, we don't lie... so you shouldn't either.

So quit it, you don't like sports.... really.
And every person I mention this too insists they are the one exception or they know the one exception.
And you know... I am a rational person, so I will admit their are some exceptions... maybe 7 in this entire country, but the rest of you are lying assholes.

Consider this people... have you EVER walked into a girl's room or a room of girls and either A.) heard them discussing their favorite teams/players/games... or B.) walked in on them watching sportscenter?
It's never happened... it won't...
Don't kid yourself it won't

you MIGHT walk in on a girl(s) with an actual game on, but they're not paying attention... it's just on in hopes you'll walk in and think they care. Really they're on facebook tagging and commenting on photos. Occasionally they'll look up when they hear something about a goal or scoring unit, and then text you saying "did you see that OMG!" to trick you into thinking they give a shit about anything on TV other than the Hills. But they don't...

They really don't

Stop lying girls!
We're still not Fooled!