Stumbling around the internet... I found myself reading up on some Tim Burton, Alice In Wonderland action.
However, I stopped reading when one particular article started irking me terribly.
Here's what annoyed me...
- Tim Burton’s live action/stop-motion hybrid “Alice in Wonderland” is easily one of the most anticipated. To date, the enigmatic director has generated considerable buzz for an inspired casting roster that includes Johnny Depp, Helen Bonham Carter, Crispin Glover, Alan Rickman, Michael Sheen, Christopher Lee and, of course, Anne Hathaway. -
Hummm.... sure, Burton found some good actors but I feel like if you're going to use the word "inspired," you shouldn't include in your list at least four actors he's worked with before... and you certainly shouldn't start the list with his boyfriend and wife who are in EVERY one of his movies.
There's nothing inspired about about Burton choosing Depp or B-Carter...
That's like saying you woke up one day and were inspired to get dressed...
You weren't inspired to get dressed... it's daily routine, it's normal... just as normal as Burton pondering his movie plans and wondering, "now where does Johnny fit in..."
Guuuhhh...
That's what I get for reading something from an MTV hosted movie blog... groan...
Don't ask me how I wound up on mtv, you know... you just stumble and find something your interested in.
The funny thing is... the average people reading up on their movie news on MTV probably didn't even question the use of "inspired."
They probably just went with it... "Johnny Depp... I love him... he's so hot... if I knew anything I'd kill myself from self-pity."
Well, the movie still sounds entertaining... I just hate shitty blogs.
Monday, December 22, 2008
Every Survey You've Ever Read
1.) Who was the last male you talked to?
These are the kinds of questions that get down in dirty... last male I talked to... you really get to know a person that way. Or if you're a girl reading another girls survey... you know which boy she's trying to be with... watch out... it's Jeff and you've always liked Jeff... what a bitch.
2.) Who is someone that can always make you laugh?
what? no who is the last female you talked to? No need for consistency... just go with it. That person who can always make you laugh better be reading this... or else no one cares. If anything, maybe a friend of yours who thought it would be them for sure is now thoroughly disappointed.
3.) What were you doing at 10am this morning?
If you're cool you'll say sleeping... your life's chill... you can sleep and relax.
If you're stressed you can say class... or work...
no matter how you put it... it isn't really interesting at all
4.) What were you doing an hour ago?
if you did this survey at 11am... boy are you in for some redundancy...
if you say you were still on question one of this survey you're so dumb...
face it... if you're filling this out right now... you couldn't have been doing anything TOO exciting an hour ago
5.) Are you wearing anything on your feet?
Again... as deep as you can get.
This is how you can really learn who your friends are, do they go barefoot or with socks around the house?
Did they just get home... could they be wearing shoes or sandals
you can tell a lot about your friends based solely on their footwear.
6.) What are you looking forward to in the next 3 months?
3 months? I'm doing a survey... I have nothing to look forward to ever
7.) Do you remember your dreams?
No one ever does.... and when they do it's incoherent, broken up-Tarentino-esc bullshit.
The only people who have anything to say about this is mushy saps who say they dream about their significant other... and they're lying.
8.) Where did your last hug take place?
I don't give a shit about who you hugged, or what the circumstances of the hug were (family, friend, date) I just wanna know where it took place... because it's bound to be interesting. Oh in your living room? you are fucking fascinating... I am so interested in your deep ass survey
9.) Have you been to a baby shower?
who gives a shit, this question sucks...
10.) What cell phone company do you use?
- insert witty joke about your self phone company and either how bad the service is, or reference a commercials - congratulations, you just grew a personality.
11.) What color is your hair brush?
A question worthy of the toilet. This survey is definitely meant solely as a time filler, it's like a little scavenger hunt around your house... you run to where you keep your comb; bedroom, bathroom, comb closet... and then report back to your computer to type in your findings.
12.) Do you watch the Super Bowl?
Yea I love sports because I am socially popular and generally like things that are generally liked!
13.) What about World Cup?
What's that... better wikipedia that so I can honestly respond by saying yes and referencing what sport it is.
14.) What about the world series?
On MAN!!! Phinally Pthe Phillies Phucking One It! I use PH's to express how big of a fan I am... because it can't properly be expressed with F's! I didn't even know PH could make an F sound with the exception of Philadelphia!
15.) Do you sleep with a teddy bear?
Who cares...
16.)What is the last movie you watched?
type a funny or popular movie here... it's not actually the last movie you watched... just something you put to catch someone's attention in hopes they will respond... or secretly feel more connected to you because they like it too
17.) What movie do you think everyone should watch?
Here you'll type a movie that seems deep, so you can seem like a deep and thoughtful person
but really you just want to type death race.
18.)What is your middle name?
irrelevant... no one will ever care.
19.) Do you have your future children's names picked out?
type one for girl/boy... hope someone of the opposite gender sees and responds... and congratulations, you've just met your soul mate... thanks myspace!
20.) Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home?
I hope it collapses next time you use it survey creator
21.)What brand is your computer printer?
again... back to the scavenger hunt b/s.... this question is the pits.
22.)Who was your Kindergarden teacher?
Wow, can't remember her name... but I can insert an ancient inside joke from my longest time best friend lololololol
23.) Are you taller than your mom?
who cares
24.) Do you have any bruises right now?
Insert interesting story about how you got your bruise - emphasize how much your life sucks if it happened at work, how athletic you are if you were playing sports, or how stupid you are if it's from a significant other.
25.) Are you cold right now?
someone I'm attracted to should definitely come cuddle with me.
26.)Do any of your close friends have kids?
they can do whatever they want who gives a shit
27.)Do you know anyone who is pregnant right now?
see above
28.)What is the closest red object to you?
I wish it was blood from your face. Look around the room, be aware of your surroundings... oh man! so interesting!
29.) What is your favorite video game?
Sports Game or Grand Theft Auto... if it's neither of those, no one will care so you won't even bother.
30.) Do you play games on your cell phone?
Actually... lacking a comment for this one... damn.
31.) Do you look more the your mom or dad?
make it seem like you care about your parents as more than just money/food supplying objects. Fooled you... everyone!
32.) Have you ever broken an pinata?
Actually this is a funny story, but no... this question is bullshit.
33.)Do you have an iPod or Mp3 player?
Same shit, who cares we all listen to music
34.)If someone doesnt like you its probably because:
Person fails to find any flaw of their own and blames it entirely on that person... maybe something is wrong with them.
35.) Who was the last person in your bedroom?
Insert boy or girl to cause some draaaama. Or a family member... because you're boring.
36.) What are your plans for this weekend:
insert something fun to make people jealous or make yourself seem popular
or type nothing in hopes someone will read it and send out an offer.
37.) Have you ever crawled through a window?
funny story or no... either way, you're still not interesting
38.)Do you lose your keys often?
no or funny story... again... boring
39.)When was your last encounter with the police?
Either A. Reference how smooth you are for staying out of trouble
or B.) talk about your last issue with the police, mentioning of course... how alcohol or pot were involved and how cool you are for being in an alcohol/pot environment.
40.) Do you always wear your seatbelt in the car?
awful question, uninteresting... there go 40 questions, 20 minutes of my life... ef this
These are the kinds of questions that get down in dirty... last male I talked to... you really get to know a person that way. Or if you're a girl reading another girls survey... you know which boy she's trying to be with... watch out... it's Jeff and you've always liked Jeff... what a bitch.
2.) Who is someo
what? no who is the last female you talked to? No need for consistency... just go with it. That person who can always make you laugh better be reading this... or else no one cares. If anything, maybe a friend of yours who thought it would be them for sure is now thoroughly disappointed.
3.) What were you doing
If you're cool you'll say sleeping... your life's chill... you can sleep and relax.
If you're stressed you can say class... or work...
no matter how you put it... it isn't really interesting at all
4.) What were you doing
if you did this survey at 11am... boy are you in for some redundancy...
if you say you were still on question one of this survey you're so dumb...
face it... if you're filling this out right now... you couldn't have been doing anything TOO exciting an hour ago
5.) Are you weari
Again... as deep as you can get.
This is how you can really learn who your friends are, do they go barefoot or with socks around the house?
Did they just get home... could they be wearing shoes or sandals
you can tell a lot about your friends based solely on their footwear.
6.) What are you looki
3 months? I'm doing a survey... I have nothing to look forward to ever
7.) Do you remem
No one ever does.... and when they do it's incoherent, broken up-Tarentino-esc bullshit.
The only people who have anything to say about this is mushy saps who say they dream about their significant other... and they're lying.
8.) Where
I don't give a shit about who you hugged, or what the circumstances of the hug were (family, friend, date) I just wanna know where it took place... because it's bound to be interesting. Oh in your living room? you are fucking fascinating... I am so interested in your deep ass survey
9.) Have you been to a baby showe
who gives a shit, this question sucks...
10.) What cell phone
- insert witty joke about your self phone company and either how bad the service is, or reference a commercials - congratulations, you just grew a personality.
11.) What color
A question worthy of the toilet. This survey is definitely meant solely as a time filler, it's like a little scavenger hunt around your house... you run to where you keep your comb; bedroom, bathroom, comb closet... and then report back to your computer to type in your findings.
12.) Do you watch
Yea I love sports because I am socially popular and generally like things that are generally liked!
13.) What about
What's that... better wikipedia that so I can honestly respond by saying yes and referencing what sport it is.
14.) What about
On MAN!!! Phinally Pthe Phillies Phucking One It! I use PH's to express how big of a fan I am... because it can't properly be expressed with F's! I didn't even know PH could make an F sound with the exception of Philadelphia!
15.) Do you sleep
Who cares...
16.)What is the last movie
type a funny or popular movie here... it's not actually the last movie you watched... just something you put to catch someone's attention in hopes they will respond... or secretly feel more connected to you because they like it too
17.) What movie
Here you'll type a movie that seems deep, so you can seem like a deep and thoughtful person
but really you just want to type death race.
18.)What is your middl
irrelevant... no one will ever care.
19.) Do you have your futur
type one for girl/boy... hope someone of the opposite gender sees and responds... and congratulations, you've just met your soul mate... thanks myspace!
20.) Do you have to drive
I hope it collapses next time you use it survey creator
21.)What brand
again... back to the scavenger hunt b/s.... this question is the pits.
22.)Who was your Kinde
Wow, can't remember her name... but I can insert an ancient inside joke from my longest time best friend lololololol
23.) Are you talle
who cares
24.) Do you have any bruis
Insert interesting story about how you got your bruise - emphasize how much your life sucks if it happened at work, how athletic you are if you were playing sports, or how stupid you are if it's from a significant other.
25.) Are you cold right
someone I'm attracted to should definitely come cuddle with me.
26.)Do any of your close
they can do whatever they want who gives a shit
27.)Do you know anyon
see above
28.)What is the close
I wish it was blood from your face. Look around the room, be aware of your surroundings... oh man! so interesting!
29.) What is your favor
Sports Game or Grand Theft Auto... if it's neither of those, no one will care so you won't even bother.
30.) Do you play games
Actually... lacking a comment for this one... damn.
31.) Do you look more the your mom or dad?
make it seem like you care about your parents as more than just money/food supplying objects. Fooled you... everyone!
32.) Have you ever broke
Actually this is a funny story, but no... this question is bullshit.
33.)Do you have an iPod or Mp3 playe
Same shit, who cares we all listen to music
34.)If someo
Person fails to find any flaw of their own and blames it entirely on that person... maybe something is wrong with them.
35.) Who was the last perso
Insert boy or girl to cause some draaaama. Or a family member... because you're boring.
36.) What are your plans
insert something fun to make people jealous or make yourself seem popular
or type nothing in hopes someone will read it and send out an offer.
37.) Have you ever crawl
funny story or no... either way, you're still not interesting
38.)Do you lose your keys often
no or funny story... again... boring
39.)When was your last encou
Either A. Reference how smooth you are for staying out of trouble
or B.) talk about your last issue with the police, mentioning of course... how alcohol or pot were involved and how cool you are for being in an alcohol/pot environment.
40.) Do you alway
awful question, uninteresting... there go 40 questions, 20 minutes of my life... ef this
Monday, December 15, 2008
Your Tattoo is Stupid...
I've realized throughout my life... that there are some things people talk to me about... that I will never truly give a shit about.
It can't be helped... people just think some aspect of their life is so interesting that other people care... so they tell others about it... but nobody wants to hear it.
Here's a list of a few things people tell me that I will never care about.
Your Heritage - This is my number one! the biggest fucking nuisance that people think others care about. I hate listening to people tick off percentages and fractions that have no meaning... someone told me once that they were an 11th jewish... what does that even mean? you're probably an 11th jewish and 10-11th's uninteresting douche-bag. Your numbers and "nationalities" have no meaning at all... you were born in America, your parents were born in America... you're American... you're a boring, white American kid. Then some people think they have like... unique heritages... like "I've actually got (some random American Indian tribe) in me... "oh wow, you're so complex, magical and natural you've got a useless fraction of Native American in you. Like I'm really interested in the fact that some distant relative of yours raped some helpless young Indian girl.... and was willing to keep the rape child in the family.... you're so interesting.
Here is what I hear whenever someone tells me about their heritage - "I have ancestors that were from places..."
You know who else has ancestors who were from places?
I'm sure you can figure it out...
Everyone, with maybe the exception of test tube babies... has ancestors... from places.
aaannnd the test tube babies have a much more interesting origin story than any of you.
Your Tattoos - I hate nitwits that talk about their tattoos like they have any kind of deep and significant meaning. They don't. People claim to get tattoos for themselves, yet they get them in obvious areas where people notice and ask about them... and then they have a story about it... yeah I'm sure you got it just for yourself. You just got it because it's quicker than developing a personality. And they never have any real meaning behind them either... lets take my sister's friend for example, who was blah-bragging about her stupid tattoo of Marilyn Monroe... she said something along the lines of how she got it "to commemorate and remember her grandmom." Oh wow... you're so caring, and deep and interesting... chances are she never had more than a 5 minute conversation with her grandmother. And if she had, she probably would've realized that her grandmother and most of her grandmother's generation would be petrified and disgusted by tattoos... chances are, her grandmother died when she tried to tell about getting this travesty of a tattoo... so then she said it was for it.
Whatever, your tattoo is stupid, it has no real meaning... just like your shitty existence... I hope it gets seared off in a terrible ironing accident.
Your Sex Life - Sometimes people I know, think I give a shit about their sex lives... now, don't get me wrong... horror and humor stories I LOVE to hear... when something goes terribly or hilariously wrong during sex... I'm down to listen... but when you just think I wanna hear who you've had sex with, or where you've had sex, or how many people you've banged... I have absolutely no desire to hear about it. Why would I care? I care so little about people's sex lives... I can't even continue to elaborate on how little I care... I just don't give a shit... when you fuck someone famous let me know... but until then... don't give a shit, there is nothing noteworthy or interesting about your love life. You know what... how about... from now on, whenever someone tells me about their sex life, I'm just going to assume they're coming onto me...
Brain Fart... I will finish this another time... because I know I have more to say.
It can't be helped... people just think some aspect of their life is so interesting that other people care... so they tell others about it... but nobody wants to hear it.
Here's a list of a few things people tell me that I will never care about.
Your Heritage - This is my number one! the biggest fucking nuisance that people think others care about. I hate listening to people tick off percentages and fractions that have no meaning... someone told me once that they were an 11th jewish... what does that even mean? you're probably an 11th jewish and 10-11th's uninteresting douche-bag. Your numbers and "nationalities" have no meaning at all... you were born in America, your parents were born in America... you're American... you're a boring, white American kid. Then some people think they have like... unique heritages... like "I've actually got (some random American Indian tribe) in me... "oh wow, you're so complex, magical and natural you've got a useless fraction of Native American in you. Like I'm really interested in the fact that some distant relative of yours raped some helpless young Indian girl.... and was willing to keep the rape child in the family.... you're so interesting.
Here is what I hear whenever someone tells me about their heritage - "I have ancestors that were from places..."
You know who else has ancestors who were from places?
I'm sure you can figure it out...
Everyone, with maybe the exception of test tube babies... has ancestors... from places.
aaannnd the test tube babies have a much more interesting origin story than any of you.
Your Tattoos - I hate nitwits that talk about their tattoos like they have any kind of deep and significant meaning. They don't. People claim to get tattoos for themselves, yet they get them in obvious areas where people notice and ask about them... and then they have a story about it... yeah I'm sure you got it just for yourself. You just got it because it's quicker than developing a personality. And they never have any real meaning behind them either... lets take my sister's friend for example, who was blah-bragging about her stupid tattoo of Marilyn Monroe... she said something along the lines of how she got it "to commemorate and remember her grandmom." Oh wow... you're so caring, and deep and interesting... chances are she never had more than a 5 minute conversation with her grandmother. And if she had, she probably would've realized that her grandmother and most of her grandmother's generation would be petrified and disgusted by tattoos... chances are, her grandmother died when she tried to tell about getting this travesty of a tattoo... so then she said it was for it.
Whatever, your tattoo is stupid, it has no real meaning... just like your shitty existence... I hope it gets seared off in a terrible ironing accident.
Your Sex Life - Sometimes people I know, think I give a shit about their sex lives... now, don't get me wrong... horror and humor stories I LOVE to hear... when something goes terribly or hilariously wrong during sex... I'm down to listen... but when you just think I wanna hear who you've had sex with, or where you've had sex, or how many people you've banged... I have absolutely no desire to hear about it. Why would I care? I care so little about people's sex lives... I can't even continue to elaborate on how little I care... I just don't give a shit... when you fuck someone famous let me know... but until then... don't give a shit, there is nothing noteworthy or interesting about your love life. You know what... how about... from now on, whenever someone tells me about their sex life, I'm just going to assume they're coming onto me...
Brain Fart... I will finish this another time... because I know I have more to say.
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