AT'T Can Suck My Dick!

Actually AT&T, I'm going to be very particular about the way you suck my dick.
You don't get the privileged loving version I give my girlfriend when she falls asleep and I'm a little restless.
I want you to suck my dick from behind.
I'll bend over, and you awkwardly bend my dick back and suck it.
That way I am safe to fart and shit all over your face the way you deserve.
I don't even care about the risk of getting shit on my balls, or even farting on them... it'd be worth the risk to offend you in such a way.

So I just bought a new phone 2 weeks ago.
It was 80 bucks with my upgrade (which I get every 2 years, and my phones always last 2 years because I'm super anal about caring for them.)
Then I got a 50 dollar rebate! I'm still waiting on that.
But yeah, essentially 30 bucks for a brand new phone.
I spent an additional 6 dollars on tetris for my phone too! Because I adore tetris!

So this phone lasted about 2 weeks.
See, it's a slide phone... unlike my usual flip phones.
I pull it out of my pocket to get a text and... oh... look at that the screen is white and not working.
It was a pressure crack.
The screen wasn't physically cracked, but because I was careless in... putting it in my pocket and doing things, as careless as you can get with a phone I suppose, but because I was careless, I guess in doing something through my daily activity's I crushed the phone against something and ruined the screen.

I go to AT&T to get help. Imagining, hey... this phone is brand new, this is a shitty thing that happened to it... I don't feel responsible for it being broken, because this isn't some careless mistake like dropping it, or letting it get wet... it should be safe in my pocket.

Well the woman at the store. Immediately lets me know this pressure crack is my fault, there's nothing they will do for me. I can't even do any kind of exchange with the new-ness of the phone.
She lures me over to a counter where someone else will deal with me. And walks away from me, she has no intention of helping me anymore... she's done her part. Told me it was my fault and she had no help for me.

Oh wait, she also told me that this particular pressure crack was NOT a "manufacturer's malfunction," and that's why they didn't do any kind of exchange.
Now... maybe I'm the only person thinking like this because I'm pissed because I no longer have a working phone... but that seems like a manufacturing malfunction.
The Whole front of the phone is the screen... so why wouldn't they make it to withstand pressure?
I mean it was in my pocket... and it's not as if I was lifting weights, I was going about usual day activities. I think actually, when "I caused" the pressure crack I was bending over to pick something up... oh what a strain on that phone!
I don't know AT&T, I think when you make something that's meant to be carried around all day, in someone's pocket or backpack or purse... you make sure it can withstand typical daily strain. If not, I'm gonna say it's a manufacturer's malfunction.
What you made me, is a piece of shit.

Moving on.
This woman pawns me off on another woman who is just as unhelpful.
She assures me that, well firstly I can buy a new phone.
Oh wow, what an option... I never even imagined that'd be in the realm of possibility.
I can even buy this phone I already have... for only 200 dollars with another 50 dollar rebate!
Wow, I really want to re-buy this phone for 200 bucks, essentially 150 bucks in 3 months, so I can have it for another 2 weeks.
No... that option sucks.

Then she assures me, if I intended to not care for the phone I should have gotten the insurance on it.
Sorry, my fault I was so cocky in believing I could take care of a phone... I've had 2 phones in the last 4 years. Sure I should be aware that accidents do happen, but... I'm proud too.
Although, I am a dumbass because insurance was only 10 bucks compared to whatever a new phone would cost. I'm a cheapskate... I'll admit it.

She also lets me know maybe I should have considered buying a case.
Yes, because a case... with a thin transparent nothing piece of plastic over my phone's screen would have protected it from the pressure it suffered in my pocket.
I think phone cases come in handy much more for drops, and safe storage... it's still going to feel pressure when pressure is put on it stupid.
Can you also explain to me how cases work for a slide phone?
It seems overly complicated... maybe they should just make phones better quality instead of making everyone buy a case.
I dunno... just a suggestion.

Whatever.
You people were dismissive and completely unhelpful to me.
I was patient and civil with you guys, despite how angry I was with my piece of shit phone and your piece of shit service.
But who am I to complain. I'm NOT a good customer, I've had an AT&T plan for 4 years and have only bought two phones from you. I have unlimited texting plan, and never go over my minutes... I'm probably your worst customer.
You value customers like my sister. People who go through 4-5 phones a year. Who constantly go over minutes... and, using my sister as an example run up $600 dollars in one bill with texts alone.
I'm a shitty customer, because I don't pump tons and tons of money into you yearly.

Fuck me.

But really AT&T... and cell phone companies in general.
You're fucking scammers. You're rapists!
You charge hundreds of dollars for shoddy pieces of shit... then have the nerve to tell me I'm at fault.
You make phones that aren't intended to last the amount of time it takes to get an upgrade.
Ask your friends... I imagine maybe 1 in 5 people actually keep a phone long enough to upgrade it.

I'm mad.
I hate AT&T
Go fuck yourself
The end.